Mr. Sachs compared his life before Ms. Hoover to that of Steve Jobs, specifically to Mr. Jobs’s living without a sofa for several years because he couldn’t find one to his liking. “I was always on that path to be the man who lived without curtains or a sofa,” he said. “One of the many great things that Sarah brought to my life is civility.”
Ms. Hoover deadpanned in reply: “You’re so lucky you met me.”
Ms. Hoover has particular tastes. She rarely watches television. She reads widely, but almost exclusively books by women. “It’s really hard to hear about male perspectives,” she said, adding that she has sworn off “the Jonathans” (Franzen, Safran Foer, Lethem).
Art history, ballet, complaining, being spoiled, clotted cream, loaded baked potatoes, her dog, psychedelics, full-bodied red wines, folding laundry, organizing her children’s clothes and colorful platform heels are all things she loves. She’s ambivalent about hotels. She hates pencils.
Jenna Lyons, the fashion designer turned “Real Housewife” and a longtime friend of Mr. Sachs’s, recalled her initial surprise at his interest in Ms. Hoover. When they met in 2007, Ms. Hoover was 23, and he was 41.
“I was teasing him because she was so much younger than him,” said Ms. Lyons, 56, who is a partner at FundamentalCo, a branding company. “I was like, ‘Come on, Tom.’” Then she met Ms. Hoover at an art event. “She brings her dog, which I was dying about,” Ms. Lyons said. “I was like, ‘This girl is a spitfire!’ She does not placate or hide things or mince words.”
If Ms. Hoover has engendered civility in her husband, an artist known for his provocative works and behavior, he has pushed her to be more brazen. In “The Motherload,” Ms. Hoover writes that after telling Mr. Sachs about a woman who was impolite to her, he said: “You’re allowed to be more of a bitch.”
