Following a report in The New York Times about a White House meeting where Elon Musk and Secretary of State Marco Rubio had clashed in front of President Trump, it was up to “Saturday Night Live” to imagine how they might make peace — and to let us listen in on their inner monologues.
This week’s “S.N.L.” broadcast, for which Lady Gaga was both the host and the musical guest, began with a voice-over that described the conflict between Musk and Rubio as a stain on “an otherwise remarkably cool and smooth start to the Trump presidency.”
Inside the Oval Office stood James Austin Johnson, in his recurring role as President Trump, and Marcello Hernández, playing Rubio.
Johnson said he forgave Hernández for “being under a lot of stress,” but told him, “I need you to be my good little Marco.”
“If you think I’m going to stand here and let you call me that,” Hernández replied, “you’re right.”
Johnson added, “Unfortunately, I just made English the official language. So now your name is Mark Ruby.”
Hernández said he objected to Musk “having total access to our government,” but Johnson praised the billionaire for his management of SpaceX, which he said was “doing incredible things in terms of explosions, and with regard to rocket debris.”
When Hernández said that a businessman shouldn’t necessarily be running the country, Johnson answered, “You’re right. We tried that in 2016 it didn’t work. Trump 45, not a great president. But now we’ve got Trump 47. I’m older, wiser and frankly, older.”
Johnson went on to tell Hernández he was doing a great job. “You’re the goat,” Johnson said. “You’re the scapegoat. But it’s still a type of goat.”
Hernández said that he was close to striking a deal with the Panamanian government to regain control of the Panama Canal, but Johnson said he didn’t want it anymore. “What I’d really love is Thailand,” Johnson said.
While he continued to ramble on about “The White Lotus,” the camera zoomed in on Hernández, letting us hear inside his head, where the theme to “Curb Your Enthusiasm” was playing.
In return, Hernández spoke about American foreign policy, while the camera zoomed in on a bored Johnson, allowing us to hear him think to himself: “What is this?” he said. “I’m thinking something and not saying it out loud.” He added: “I should do this more often. I won’t, but I should.”
They were joined by Mike Myers, the “S.N.L.” alum, reprising his role as Musk, who variously tented his fingers and ran in place. (“It’s his little dance, we let him do it,” Johnson explained. “It’s his least unsettling trait.”)
When we could hear inside Myers’s thoughts, we heard him say, “Phase 1 of my plan is complete: ingratiate yourself to the president and take over the media.” But there were downsides as well: “My Tesla stock is crashing and my personal net worth just dropped by $100 billion.” As these words were said, Myers put a finger to his mouth, Dr. Evil-style.
Offering some final advice, Johnson said, “Elon, stay in your lane. You’re not the boss.”
Myers replied, “But I paid you $300 million.”
“And that’s why you’re the boss,” Johnson said.
Opening monologue of the week
Though the current “S.N.L.” season has been heavy on seasoned standup comedians, Lady Gaga proved a capable joke-teller in her own right, using her monologue to take comic potshots at herself and her fellow musicians. Now 38, Lady Gaga said this was “scientifically the best age for a female pop star to be,” adding that most are over 40. “Chappell Roan is 58,” she said. “And Charli XCX, she’s 75. Tate McRae is my biological grandmother.”
She told viewers that her last hosting appearance, from 2013, had “aged amazingly.” With an audible twinge in her voice, she added, “There’s no need to Google ‘S.N.L.’ 2013 Lady Gaga featuring R. Kelly.” She also commented on her performance in last year’s film flop “Joker: Folie à Deux,” noting that she and Joaquin Phoenix had won a Razzie award for “worst onscreen duo.” The Razzie win, she said, had brought her one step closer to an EGORT: “It’s like an EGOT, but it’s hurtful.”
Lady Gaga singing to a cartoon mouse of the week
Apparently, Lady Gaga picked an eccentric week to make her return to “S.N.L.” Among the sketches she appeared in, she played: a woman rushing to the airport on rideable luggage; a funeral planner who can’t stop referencing the Roaring Twenties; and one half of a romantic couple (with Bowen Yang) whose partners serenade each other with an increasingly bizarre parody of Eric Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight.”
Still, if we had to single out one sketch in particular for your attention, we’d have to give the edge to this filmed segment in which Lady Gaga played the classmate of an animated mouse named Pip and performed an inspirational serenade encouraging Pip to succeed at their school’s weight lifting competition. We can only imagine the hours of effort that went into this production, whose seemingly innocent premise gives way to a dark (but decidedly funny) denouement.
Weekend Update jokes of the week
Over at the Weekend Update desk, the anchors Colin Jost and Michael Che riffed on the diplomatic rift between the United States and Canada, and on President Trump’s address to a joint session of Congress.
Jost began:
Tomorrow marks the start of Daylight Saving Time, when we set our clocks ahead, ideally four years. After President Trump spent last week defending our historical best friend, Russia, Trump returned this week to attacking our sworn enemy, Canada. That’s right, those syrup-guzzling, poutine-munching, moose-humping hockey sluts have taken advantage of us far too long. Even right here at “S.N.L.,” American sketch-comedy jobs are being stolen by filthy Canadians. [A picture of Mike Myers playing Elon Musk in the show’s opening sketch popped up on the screen.]
Che continued:
President Trump addressed a joint session of Congress and claimed that no president has changed government faster than him. Yeah, and nobody changed airport security faster than bin Laden. President Trump also said that he signed an executive order to ban men from playing in women’s sports. But if men aren’t allowed to play women’s sports, explain soccer.
Weekend Update desk character of the week
Though his performance was not particularly topical, Mikey Day made a memorable appearance at the Weekend Update desk playing Lord Gaga, a cravat-wearing aristocrat meant to be the husband of Lady Gaga and the source of her title. Many of Day’s punchlines were references to Lady Gaga songs (“That’s how she became a Gaga,” he explained, “whereas I was simply — born this way”), but his routine ended with his exaggerated insistence to Jost that his own textile business was vastly more profitable than her music.
“Can you imagine, Colin, a man whose wife makes more money than he?” a disbelieving Day said to Jost — the husband of the actress Scarlett Johansson — who could only sit silently and take his roasting with a placid poker face.
