In “Love Hurts,” Ke Huy Quan plays a cheery, cookie-baking real estate agent who has tried hard to forget his past life as an assassin. Ariana DeBose plays a former associate who emerges from the shadows and reminds him of what he’s left behind, in a movie that does its utmost to repress any memories of both stars’ being recent Academy Award winners.
“Love Hurts” is the feature directorial debut of Jonathan Eusebio, who has amassed an eye-popping list of stunt- and fight-coordinating credits (“John Wick,” “The Matrix Resurrections”). In effect, he plays that role here as well, because there is little else worth directing: The plot is a barely-there thread of random incidents designed to string together action scenes in which Quan, banishing any thoughts of his own past playing Data from “The Goonies,” demonstrates an impressive facility for martial arts. The screenwriters, for their part, find ways to weaponize unlikely items: sharpened pencil here, amethyst there. Boba straws sure are sharp.
The casting is effective, in part because few would guess that Quan would show such balletic grace in hand-to-hand combat, even though he has a background in stunts from the aughts. DeBose eventually steps up as an action star, too, albeit without quite as much sparring. (She generally seems to have more munitions on hand.) But somebody should have built them more of a movie to play in. At 83 minutes, “Love Hurts” falls somewhere between making a virtue of brevity and wheezing its way to the finish line.
No sooner has Quan’s Marvin Gable (his name sounds distractingly like Marvin Gaye throughout) entered his office for the day than the Raven (Mustafa Shakir), a fellow assassin from the old days hiding there, smacks him in the face. It’s Valentine’s Day at the agency, and while everyone else — including Marvin’s dour assistant (Lio Tipton) — is doing their best to be festive, Marvin, behind a closed door, is fending off a killer who has a coat full of knives and a book of original poetry. His verses suggest an emo high schooler imitating Robert Frost.
The Raven wants to know the whereabouts of Rose (DeBose), whom Marvin’s kingpin brother, Knuckles (Daniel Wu), had long ago ordered killed. Knuckles thought Rose was dead, but lately she has taken to sending out valentine cards. She is also Marvin’s secret love, and what drama there is turns on whether he will profess his ardor, and on whether, as he is increasingly bloodied, he will manage to keep his new life and status as “regional Realtor of the year.”
The chemistry between DeBose and Quan is nonexistent, but it barely matters — the emphasis is on hurt, not love. But this self-amused movie barely leaves a mark.
Love Hurts
Rated R. Love, lies, bleeding. Running time: 1 hour 23 minutes. In theaters.
