There’s no universally accepted “waiting period” after a breakup that magically absolves everyone from various people’s expectations. But keep in mind that Alice’s reaction isn’t really about “the rules of dating etiquette” or who’s technically allowed to love whom and when. It’s about grief: the grief of losing a partner, a close friend and a loyal confidante, in the span of months — even if Alice initiated the breakup (you don’t say which way that went), or began seeing someone new, or you believed she should be fine. The fact is, you made a decision to date Jane while your friend Alice was grieving her own relationship with her.
But here’s another truth that exists alongside the first one: You can choose to prioritize your joy.
What you’re experiencing now — loss, confusion, a social ripple effect — is the price of this complexity. You miss Alice because losing a friendship, especially a longstanding one, is deeply impactful. You wish Alice could see your happiness as separate from her pain, and maybe one day she will. But for now, the space she’s asked for might be necessary for both of you to find your own clarity.
You might consider honoring her need for space with a single thoughtful message indicating that even with this space, she matters to you. Something like, “Thinking of you. I’m sorry we’re not in a good place right now,” while also letting her know that you’d welcome a conversation if and when she’s ready. No demands, no justifications, just a reminder, as she probably feels betrayed and abandoned, that you have her in mind and are leaving the door wide open for whatever might happen next, whenever (if ever) next might be.
As for the mutual friends who are excluding you — this happens in breakups of all kinds. Some friends take sides based on loyalty, whom they knew first or whose version of events they heard. Others may simply be uncomfortable with the complications. Focus on nurturing the friendships that remain supportive.
In matters of the heart, we can’t always time our feelings conveniently. What matters most is that we handle them with grace and integrity, and accept the consequences that go with our choices.
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