Jimmy Kimmel called it a “nightmare situation” earning condemnation from world leaders, including “our super-duper, pro-Israel former President Donald Trump,” who, Kimmel said, “immediately found a way to make it about himself.”
“He wrote, ‘The horrible attack on Israel, much like the attack on Ukraine, would never have happened if I were president. Zero chance!’ That’s right, if he was president, we’d all be blissfully downing jiggers of bleach. There’d be no war anywhere.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
Kimmel recapped statements Trump made at a Saturday rally in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, where he compared his physical prowess to President Biden’s.
“On the day one of our closest allies is hit by a devastating terrorist attack, Trump is onstage talking about how much better his body is than Joe Biden’s.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Maybe instead of an election next year, we just have a wet T-shirt contest and end it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (Subpar Edition)
“After leaving the White House, former President Trump reportedly shared details about the capabilities of U.S. nuclear submarines with an Australian billionaire, including how close they can sail to Russian vessels without being detected. Said Trump, ‘Oh, come on, I’m not an idiot — I told Putin first.’” — SETH MEYERS
“Yes, he heard that the guy came from down under and he thought, ‘Well, that’s where the submarines are, down under. He should know. If anyone should know, I should tell the down under guy.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Trump was just sealing the deal, OK? Following the old sales mantra: A.B.C. — always be compromising national security.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“OK, that’s not right. You can’t just give away our classified secrets without trading for some of Australia’s classified secrets, like how they make the Bloomin’ Onion.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
The Canadian indie rock band Metric performed their song “Just the Once” on Monday’s “Late Show.”
