“Rhodes was also found guilty of other bad stuff, which is why he is now facing a maximum of 60 years in prison. That’s a long time, baby. That’s a long stretch. On the bright side, by 2082, the hip new look might be steampunk cowboy pirate.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Now, when you hear the name ‘Oath Keepers,’ you know, and that eye patch, it makes Rhodes sort of seem like a heroic freedom rebel. In reality, he’s a disbarred Yale law grad who wears an eye patch after accidentally shooting himself in the face with his own gun. Oops-a-karma!” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“It’s embarrassing, is what it is. That’s like finding out Rambo wears that headband to cover up his ‘live, laugh, love’ tattoo.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“This conviction, make no mistake, is a huge deal. It marks the very first time that a jury has decided that the Jan. 6 violence was the product of an organized conspiracy. Well, yeah! I watched it — it sure seemed organized. I don’t remember any headlines that said, ‘Capitol Meet-Cute Gets Out of Hand.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Rhodes is such a scumbag, even his estranged wife chimed in, saying that the conviction is the first time Rhodes has ever faced consequences. Damn! Damn! That is what you call ‘winning the breakup.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
