As Desiree Frederickson, 40, started watching the third season of “The White Lotus,” the show quickly became personal for her. “I was immediately triggered,” she said.
The HBO series follows guests and employees around the White Lotus, a fictional resort chain, with this season set in Koh Samui, an island in Thailand. Among the gaggle of affluent guests are three women in their late 40s who have been friends since elementary school but now live different lives. Jaclyn is a Los Angeles-based actress (played by Michelle Monaghan); Laurie is a divorced lawyer in New York City (Carrie Coon); and Kate is a Texas housewife (Leslie Bibb).
(Warning: Spoilers ahead.)
To one another’s faces, they are supportive and complimentary. Behind one another’s backs, they are petty, gossipy and competitive. In varying combinations, two of them pair off to talk about the third, which is a dynamic resonating with viewers across the country.
“I have been in this exact scenario so many times over the course of my life,” said Ms. Frederickson, who lives in Fontana, Calif. “I’ve been in groups of threes, and I feel like sometimes I am closer to one person over another. Or I have been the person in the middle who they talk about, and I find out later.”
In the last year, she has had to navigate the complexities of friendship triangles. Ten months ago, when she had a baby, one friend was angry that another got to see the baby over FaceTime first. She is also trying to make amends with a friend who feels left out because Ms. Frederickson and their other friend hang out more.
“Let’s just say this show is validating,” she added, laughing.
Lisa Morse, a clinical psychologist in Manhattan, said that “in our society, so much about friendship is so sanitized. You see people’s Instagrams, and they are all on these girls’ trips and everybody looks happy, and it’s so flawless.”
However, she added, “there is something about this threesome in ‘The White Lotus’ that presents something real about female friendships. There is tension between them and imbalances, and I think their interactions and dynamics are something almost every woman can relate to.”
Of course, the three-way dynamic is a staple of reality television. On the Bravo show “Southern Charm,” best friends (or are they?) Shep Rose, Austen Kroll and Craig Conover frequently talk behind one another’s backs. On “The Real Housewives of Orange County,” we watch the close friendship of Tamra Judge, Vicki Gunvalson and Shannon Beador — who call themselves the “tres amigas” — disintegrate after they gossip and talk cruelly about one another out of earshot.
Dr. Morse said there are benefits to friendship triangles. “When there are three people, there is more of everything,” she said. “There is more fun, there is more energy, there is more support, there is more variety, and there is the benefit of feeling like you are part of a group.”
“If one person isn’t meeting your needs, you get it from another person,” she continued. “There is a variety of opinions, so it can be more interesting.”
But, she added, three can also be tricky. “There is more drama, there are more power shifts, there is competition,” she said. “There is this idea of being the third wheel.”
One scene from “The White Lotus” that really resonated with Emmeline, a 33-year-old florist in New York City who asked that her last name not be used for privacy, was when Laurie excused herself to go to bed in the first episode and then cried when her friends continued to hang out without her.
“I am someone who can have their social battery run out at a certain point and then need to retreat to their room,” she said. “But then ultimately, much like that one character, you do feel left out — almost irrationally. I’ve done the exasperated fake cry many times.”
Some viewers are using the show as an impetus to make healthier friendship choices. “I am cutting the fat,” said Stuart Brazell, 43, an entertainment reporter and content creator who lives in Los Angeles. She posted a video on TikTok about her feelings and was overwhelmed by commenters saying they, too, were trying to leave friendships that left them feeling bad. “It benefits us all to see these types of relationships onscreen,” she said, “because maybe it benefits us to get the hell out of these relationships.”
Emmeline has also experienced the pain of being talked about behind her back. She still remembers a weekend trip she took with one friend where she thought they had “an absolute blast,” only to learn that the friend felt otherwise. “On the flight back from the trip, I was feeling great, and I see that Friend B texted Friend A, ‘How was the weekend?’ and Friend A responded, ‘Well I didn’t kill her.’ It really hurt my feelings at the time.”
“It was the beginning to the end of my friendship within the trio anyway,” she said. “Trios are tough.”
