In the first 100 days of his second term, President Trump has already signed more executive orders than any other modern president, and this weekend, “Saturday Night Live” offered its suggestions for even more.
This broadcast, hosted by Quinta Brunson and featuring the musical guest Benson Boone, started with a rousing voice-over proclaiming that Trump’s first 100 days “have been the most dynamic since F.D.R.”
During that same interval in the 1930s, the voice-over said, President Franklin D. Roosevelt “created vital government departments, forged new alliances and established our nation’s social safety net.”
President Trump, the voice-over added, “did the same thing, only in reverse.”
Enter James Austin Johnson, in his recurring role as Trump, congratulating himself for these accomplishments.
“It’s me, your favorite president and perhaps your next pope,” he said. “Conclave! Well, it’s been 100 years since I became president. Excuse me, days. Wow, feels longer.”
He added that “people are saying that what I’ve done so far has single-handedly helped win people elections — mostly in Canada.”
With the help of Mikey Day, as the White House deputy chief of staff Stephen Miller, Johnson went on to announce a few new executive orders which he signed and showed off for the cameras. Among them were:
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An executive order to bring back Columbus Day. “We have to protect Columbus Day for our great Italian American friends like Tony Soprano, Benny Blanco and Childish Gambino,” Johnson explained.
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A pardon for the “Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling. “She created a whole wizarding world, a wonderful place for overweight millennials to stake their entire identity well past the point of it being cute,” Johnson said.
Johnson also signed orders intended to make the New York Times Connections puzzle easier to solve; outlaw ghosts; and shorten the word “recession.”
“‘Recession’ will now be called recess,” Johnson said. “Fun, right? So, America, get ready for a historically long recess. I call tetherball!”
Opening monologue of the week
While John Mulaney has been doggedly waging a campaign for adult men, “Know Your Height,” Brunson, the “Abbott Elementary” creator and star, is way ahead of him: In her monologue this weekend, she told viewers that she is 4-foot-11, proud to be short and eager to inspire her fellow short people.
That led to a song-and-dance number in which Brunson honored other diminutive celebrities, like the gymnast Simone Biles and the rapper Kendrick Lamar, as well as the pop star Sabrina Carpenter, who joined her in a cameo appearance. “When you read short stories, do they feel like novels?” Carpenter asked the host.
“Yes!” Brunson exclaimed. “Finally, someone who understands.”
The performance also featured Marcello Hernández and the N.B.A. alum Dwyane Wade. Wade claimed that in the basketball world, his height, 6 foot 4, was tantamount to Brunson’s. Tall or not, he was nonetheless charming in his efforts to keep up with the choreography of the finale.
History lesson of the week
Before they were cast as the stars of the Broadway revival of “Waiting For Godot,” coming this fall, Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves endeared themselves to 1980s audiences as the title characters in the time-traveling comedy “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure,” where they recruited famous figures from the past to help them with a crucial high school presentation.
That’s all the historical context you should need to decode this “S.N.L.” parody, titled “Will and Todd’s Radical Experience,” where two lovable slackers (Hernández and Andrew Dismukes) are saying goodbye to Julius Caesar (Emil Wakim), Queen Elizabeth I (Chloe Fineman) and Leonardo da Vinci (Day) — as well as Harriet Tubman (Brunson) and Frederick Douglass (Kenan Thompson), who make clear they have no interest in returning to their time.
“Harriet, come on, your time needs you,” Dismukes urged Brunson. “What about the Underground Railroad?”
“Oh, my cousin Janet can do it,” she replied. “She’s real sneaky.”
Weekend Update jokes of the week
Over at the Weekend Update desk, the anchors Colin Jost and Michael Che continued to riff on an image posted by President Trump on social media that depicted him as the pope and the impact of Trump’s policies on the economy and the border.
Jost began:
Well, guys, it happened. Last night, President Trump posted an A.I.-generated image of himself as the pope, apparently ordering a one-way ticket to hell. Who posts a photo of themselves dressed like a guy who died a week ago? Trump was at the pope’s funeral. That means he walked past an open casket and was like, “Oh, we should do a Who Wore It Best.” It’s truly like if the week Queen Elizabeth died, I posted this. [Jost’s screen showed an image of himself dressed like Queen Elizabeth II.] I don’t know, I just feel like as a Catholic, Trump’s photo just feels slightly disrespectful. Also, if Trump really wants to be pope, he should probably stay away from JD Vance.
Che continued:
President Trump responded to a report showing the U.S. economy was declining by posting “BE PATIENT!!!” And if his brain gets any worse, he’s going to be patient. [Che’s screen showed an image of Trump as a patient at a psychiatric hospital.] Attorney General Pam Bondi claimed that, if not for Donald Trump seizing fentanyl at the border, 75 percent of all Americans could be dead. But, hey, don’t threaten us with a good time.
Weekend Update desk segment of the week
With just a few days before the May 7 deadline when a Real ID will be required for passengers at airport security, Michael Longfellow appeared on Weekend Update as himself to boldly declare that he doesn’t plan to get one. Addressing his remarks directly to the U.S. government, Longfellow said, “You already gave me an ID. If it’s fake, you fix it.” When Jost pointed out that he would be unable to fly without one, Longfellow reacted with an exaggerated gasp. “What?” he said. “Honey, it’s 2025. Planes are barely allowed to fly.”
We’ll see you at the Greyhound bus terminal, Michael!
