If you’re going to celebrate the election of a new pope, you might as well have some sacramental wine, too.
Cecily Strong returned to “Saturday Night Live” in a guest appearance to reprise her role as the Fox News personality Jeanine Pirro — and to douse Colin Jost, her former Weekend Update desk mate, in alcohol. Alcohol that emanated directly from her own mouth.
How the opening sketch of this weekend’s “S.N.L.” broadcast (which was hosted by Walton Goggins and featured the musical guest Arcade Fire) arrived at this place will take a moment to explain.
The sketch began with what looked like a traditional Mother’s Day tribute, with the cast members Kenan Thompson, Bowen Yang and Marcello Hernández singing an affectionate serenade to their real-life moms, who joined them onstage.
But no: This was just a setup for James Austin Johnson to enter the scene as President Trump, holding forth in free-association style on the past week’s news.
“There’s a new pope from Chicago,” Johnson said, noting the Roman Catholic Church’s selection of Robert Francis Prevost, who took the name Pope Leo XIV.
“We have an American pope, Chicago style, no ketchup,” Johnson said. “But we like Pope Leo. We hope he does what we want. That’s what you want the pope to do, what you want, right? Otherwise I’ll have to send JD back to do his thing.”
He added that Vice President Vance has the “Midas touch, but for bad things”: “He meets the pope — dead,” Johnson said. “He goes to India — war. He joins my campaign — Trump wins.”
Johnson announced that he had just appointed “one of the loudest people I know” to be the interim U.S. attorney for Washington: this was the cue for Strong’s return as Pirro, a character she played frequently during her “S.N.L.” tenure.
Noting the bag she was carrying, Johnson said, “Jeanine has brought her files and she’s ready to work.”
“Oh, no, this is the cozy for my Merlot-zy,” Strong said as she took a bottle of wine out of the bag.
“I love hiring people from Fox News,” Johnson said. “They all do an incredible job. Just look at Pete Hegseth — not one mistake.”
“Oh, I love Pete Hegseth; he’s my old drinking buddy,” Strong said, taking a swig from her wine glass.
Jost, making a rare sketch appearance to play Defense Secretary Hegseth, tapped Strong on the back, shouting “Surprise!” as he entered. Strong turned toward him and delivered an extended spit take into the side of Jost’s face.
As the sketch continued, she doused him with wine a second time and with whiskey that Jost opened his mouth and swallowed (after revealing that he’d accidentally added Kim Jong-un to one of his group chats).
“Folks, they’re not the A-team,” Johnson said. “They’re the A.A. team.”
Opening monologue of the week
After interrupting a loving Mother’s Day homage from some of its cast members, “S.N.L.” made up for it by allowing Goggins, a star of “The White Lotus” and “The Righteous Gemstones,” to bring his own mother out of the audience and dance with her onstage — first to a slow R&B jam and then to a fast-paced interlude of clogging to a country tune.
Goggins also commented humorously on recent headlines that harshly described his physical appearance (like one that called him “a Greasy, Depressing Little Man Whom No One Saw Coming”).
“For some reason, the part of that headline that offends me the most is the word ‘whom,’” Goggins said. “It just sounds pretentious.”
Constitutional convention of the week
Though it’s somewhat bittersweet to see an “S.N.L.” sketch about the founding of America that doesn’t include Nate Bargatze as George Washington or Lin-Manuel Miranda as Alexander Hamilton, Goggins capably filled that slot in this segment set in Philadelphia in 1789. After a founding father played by Johnson announced the text of the First Amendment, he opened the floor to ask what the second most important principle of this new nation should be.
Playing a fellow patriot known simply as Matt and wearing period clothes and a pair of tinted sunglasses, Goggins replied in a confident drawl: “Guns,” he said. Bring on those well-regulated militias.
Music video of the week
From the moment this music video starring Jane Wickline begins to the moment it ends, we can confidently assure you that you have no idea where it is going at any moment. Though the number begins as Wickline’s tender ode to what she believes is a lost baby shoe she found in the Central Park Zoo, it veers off in a wildly different direction when she finds the shoe’s true owner: a full-grown man (Goggins) with baby-size feet.
It’s no spoiler to say that the video also includes a cameo from Goggins’s friend and “White Lotus” co-star Sam Rockwell. Though he doesn’t get a lot of screen time here, Rockwell — as he did on “The White Lotus” — certainly makes those precious seconds count.
Weekend Update jokes of the week
Over at the Weekend Update desk, the anchors Colin Jost and Michael Che continued to riff on the election of Pope Leo XIV, a recent appearance by former President Biden on “The View” and President Trump’s choice of Jeanine Pirro as interim U.S. attorney for Washington. Jost began:
Well, the Catholic Church has elected the first-ever pope from America. And as an American Catholic, I could not be more proud, which is a sin, and now I’m ashamed. The Vatican has selected Cardinal Robert Francis Prevost, who is from the South Side of Chicago, to be the new pope. And you can tell he’s from the South Side because he’s got his hands up. This pick was actually a welcome surprise for me, because when I heard the pope was a super-religious guy from Chicago in a funny robe, I was worried it was Kanye. I also love that conservatives are already complaining that this pope is too woke. How woke can a 69-year-old man from Chicago be? It’s not like he came out and was like, “Hey, I’m Pope Leo XIV, he/him.” The reality is, there are no woke Catholics. If you’re a woke Catholic, you’re just not Catholic anymore.
Che continued:
Joe Biden appeared on “The View” where he said he wasn’t surprised Kamala Harris lost the election. Because the only thing that surprises Joe Biden are the words that come out of his own mouth. President Trump says he will appoint Fox News host Jeanine Pirro as interim U.S. attorney for Washington, DC. Pirro celebrated the news with a bottle of wine every day for the last 50 years.
